Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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