you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
