Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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