I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
