please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
