I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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