That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
