i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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