If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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