hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
