i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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