you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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