So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
