I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
