so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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