have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
