do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
