how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
pray to the hookup gods
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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