We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
