why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
