um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize