ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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