Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
