he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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