Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
