Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
