dude i'm inner monologue high
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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