I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
