Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
