eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
