Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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