You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
