The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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