Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
