I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
