I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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