Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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