a queef is a wish your heart makes.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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