She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
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