whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize