there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
