You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
