He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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