Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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