I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
