your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
