Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Every concussion has its silver lining
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
