we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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