So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Text me some of your sweat
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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