Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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