I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
