so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
