one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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