its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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