Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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