did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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