This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
