you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i dont even know how to be here
This gyro tastes like lonliness
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
