How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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