dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
