Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
