i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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