I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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