I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
