After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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