I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
