I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
