I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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