Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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