I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
