i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
