here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
